I Want What I Want

I have learned that I’m actually a pretty selfish person. I really want the biggest bowl of ice cream and the largest piece of cake. I want to go first most every time. I want to win at any competition that I’m in. I want more money. I want more fame. I want what I want when I want it. I want. I want. I want.

The Lord has made it quite clear to me that my selfish desires can actually destroy me if I don’t get His help keeping them in check. I believe self-centered pride is a huge destructive force in our culture. I see people who seem to have it all with a beautiful family, nice home, nice position at work – but they want more. They are subtly selfish and manipulative. It all starts with a want and then turns into a desire and then a plan goes into place. There is not time to count the costs or ask for wise counsel. I want what I want when I want it.

One of David’s sons, Amnon, wanted what he wanted. He wanted a sexual relationship with one of his half-sisters. In their culture there was a proper protocol and such a request would probably be granted. Amnon burned with lust for her and wasn’t willing to seek counsel unless he was told what he wanted to her. He found a first cousin to give him the counsel he wanted. He pretended to be sick in bed and asked for his sister to bring him food. As she is serving him food, he grabs her. Check this out…

12 ‘No, my brother!’ she said to him. ‘Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. 13 What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.’ 14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. (2 Samuel 13:12-14 NIV)

This is a very sad story in the life of King David. He is broken hearted that his son would do such a thing. Then his other son Absolom waits for 2 years and has Amnon killed. This whole event was put into motion because someone wanted what they wanted when they wanted.

When I read a story like that I think that I would never do something like that. I believe this to be very dangerous thinking. The enemy will come at me at my weakest point. He will tell me things like, “you deserve to be happy” or “this will not hurt anyone”. My favorite lie that the enemy tells is: “no one will ever know or find out”. The enemy is out to destroy me and if I listen to his logic, he will win. I believe there is a spiritual battle for my heart. The Lord is gently shaping my heart to be like His, but the enemy is planting and nurturing selfish seeds inside my heart. I must submit my wants and desires through the filter of God’s Word. This filter will reveal my self-centered wants and desire. I really want more of God in my heart, but I also want all this other “crap” too. I need to trust the Lord as Keeper of my character. He will not misguide my life or my decisions.

Pressing On!

Dwayne