“Your Love Flows Through” Song Story (“The Barn” Album)

 

Blog by Kristen Hicks

The older I get, the more I realize that the things I want to cling to the most in my life are the simple things. Those things that seem foolish in the eyes of the world. The things that make me feel the most whole, the most myself, the most alive. They remind me that I’m actually breathing—that I am here in this moment whether I realize it or not.

I am pumped about sharing this song story this week, because, I did something the other day that woke me back up. And one of the most beautiful things about it is that it parallels with this song story. 🙂

I am the type of person that needs, yes NEEDS, adventures. I need to be outside, to do things that scare me, to have no plan, no concept of time and to live in moments labeled with “just for the heck of it.” Last week, I decided that I was WAY overdue for one of those moments. So I kept my Friday opened and planned to drive down to the beach, watch the sunset and turn around and come home that night. The closest beach that actually had a sunset on the water was Panama City and I also know that area pretty well, so this easily became my plan.

I woke up on Friday morning and got hit in the heart with fear and anxiety. Thoughts were swarming through my head as I wrestled with actually following through with this seemingly irresponsible plan. “What if I get a flat tire? What if it rains and there isn’t a sunset? Is this fear because the Lord is trying to tell me this is a bad idea? I’ve never driven that long completely by myself, what if I fall asleep? What if the Lord doesn’t show me anything?” I don’t tend to live in the “what if” world but sometimes, because I’ve been in situations that could have been really bad, it gets a hold of me. I decided to go before the Lord and ask Him what He thought. After some gentle encouragement from Him, I decided it was worth pushing through the anxiety I felt and going for it. I knew if I didn’t do it, and allowed fear control me, I would regret it.

As I started driving, I was immediately reminded of my trip to Mississippi. It was a little different leaving for that trip because I had no idea when I would come home. However, all the same fears were there. I remember being in the car and literally begging God not to leave me. I needed Him, more than I felt I ever had before. I didn’t just need Him to be my Savior either, I needed Him to be my Friend. I needed Him to be Someone who was WITH me, not just for me. (Although, I know He is all of those other things as well.) That trip is something I am still learning from. I could literally write an entire book on it. Every day was something different, some new twist, a turn of events, a new level of trust. It was everything I hoped it would be and also everything I’d hoped it wouldn’t, but I learned more about the nature of God, His character, His heart, in those 5 weeks than some people get to in a lifetime. And for that, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

There was this one particular day that I think back to all the time. I had just found myself at yet another dead end of trying to figure what I was doing out there and every subconscious plan that I had cooked up in my mind had surprisingly failed. I was out of options, out of ideas, and I will never forget the feeling of hopelessness I felt. So I did literally the only thing I could do, I drove. I drove until, I came to a dead end road, and there was a boat ramp. The irony of this is uncanny. I parked my car, got out, grabbed my camp chair, set it up on the boat ramp and sat down.

Completely baffled and a little confused at what I was looking at. It was a dried up lake. The interesting thing is, other parts of the lake I had seen on my drive in, were not dried up. There was something about this section that was broken and in order to fix it, it had to be drained, completely. As I sat there staring, I heard the gentle whisper of the Lord, “This is what you look like right now.” I was little caught off guard, that wasn’t exactly what I expected Him to say.

It wasn’t until later that night, that I was able to actually sit and process what He had said. I realized that this whole thing was pushing me to believe something new about God. This was the conclusion I came to in my blog entry that night.

“I guess my point is, the Lord knows us! He knows what great length He has to go through to get our attention and correct us. Apparently,  for me…it’s making me drive to Mississippi to show me a dried up lake. 🙂 But ya know, kinda makes me feel a little special. Because not only is He going to such great lengths to get my attention but also to show me how great His love is. He wants me to get it THAT much!”

I keep coming to this same conclusion. In fact, this was the similar conclusion that He brought me to on my drive to the beach. He wants to love us like this. He wants us to answer His call, that brings us out of our comfort zones, away from our day to day routines, against any rational and all practical thinking and beyond ourselves, into the unknown of trust. He wants to love us in the radical, relentless, ruthless, reckless (and any other “r” word, apparently) ways that only He can. He wants to love us out of our stuff and into His purpose— into simplicity, dependency, wholeness and actually breathing again. Being ever present, savoring the increasingly, precious moments that we have on this earth, to learn what means to be loved and to actually know Love, and to let Love Himself overflow within us and out beyond us.

The way to do this? In everything we do, we give Him space and the freedom to be Who He is and what He wants to do. We find the courage to let Him love us and then His love just flows through us. Period.

“How can I ever understand this, how can I make it on my own.

You say You love me, O God please don’t leave me alone.

Your peace surpasses understanding, and joy runs deep into my soul.

So even though I can’t see the road, I still believe in what I was told. 

You go before me, You stand behind me

Every step I take You placed in front of me

And through my weakness, You shine Your faithfulness

So in all I do I just let You be You

And Your Love flows through

I hope I never shake this feeling, how can I keep it to myself

Cause, Your love is overflowing, my heart is beating out my chest

Every breath that I breathe, every word that I speak, every song that I sing

Through Your strength, I will stand, and I will lift up my hands, giving all that I am, as Your love flows through.”