“You Are My Constant” Song Story (“The Barn” Album)
Blog by Kristen Hicks
This is probably my favorite song on the album. As I sit here and think about writing this song, I can’t help but to think about the night it hit me in the face that He was my true constant. The One and only One, who truly knew it all. With tears I wrote out my heart about it:
Would you like to know the real me?
I’m terrified. Most mornings, I wake up and I put the covers over my head because I am so afraid of what kind of challenge I might have to face; what kind of pain I might have to endure; or what kind of struggle I might have to fight against. Most days, I feel overlooked, unnoticed, alone, lost, scared, extremely insecure, used, a failure, I am never the one that gets chosen, and I feel like there is absolutely nowhere that I truly fit in. What can I really show for myself? I have nothing.
But…(Don’t you just love that little 3 lettered word; it’s kinda got a whole lot of power to it, which makes it awesome!) There is one thing I am MOST certain of. The more I choose to believe it, the more it proves itself to be true. HE IS MY CONSTANT! Every time I sit down and really think about that statement, I begin to tear up. Because the weight that that statement holds in the reality of itself is massive.
Who else can hold such a standing? Who else knows it all first hand? Who else has been there…every step, every moment, every breath? Not to mention every tear, every heartache, every mistake, every pain. Who else has celebrated every victory, every joy, every laughter? Who else has ever known every secret, every insecurity, every shame? Who else has never ever left, not even for a second? Who else sees you…really really sees you? Who else knows you better than you know yourself? Who else?
Maybe I seem as if I have it figured out. I really truly don’t. But what I have figured out is that in the mornings when I put the covers over my head, He is the one I tell that I’m scared to. Every single time I face a challenge or struggle of any kind, He is the one I go hide behind and He fights for me. Every time I feel over-looked or unnoticed, He somehow shows me that He sees me. Every time I feel alone, I run to Him and He is right there. Every time I feel lost, I just cry out to Him and He shows me His way or He just tells me He’s got me. Every time I feel insecure, I look to Him and He finds some way to show me that I’m beautiful to Him. Every time I feel like I’ve failed, I just tell Him and He speaks grace. And every single time that I’m not chosen and that it’s obvious that I don’t fit in anywhere, I pour my heart and soul out to Him and HE CHOOSES ME and tells me He’s keeping me for Himself.
The night I wrote this is the night I began writing this song. Yes, began. This song took me two years to finish. It was one of those songs, that I just felt all over the place with. I had written the first verse separate from the chorus, thinking they were two completely different songs.
Verse 1
There’s a peace I find in the morning, and a love in every sunrise.
And as I sit and stare at its beauty, tears fall from my eyes.
Chorus
You are my Constant, You’ve never left my side,
You have carried me through it all, while all the while opening up my eyes
You are my Fortress, You are my Secret Place
And I know no matter what may come my way
I will run to You and rest in Your Embrace
Cause You are my Constant.
What began to pull the song together was found in Psalm 46. The popular verse 10 began to stick out to me. “Be still and know that I am God!” Cease striving and KNOW that He is exactly who He says He is and you are who He says you are.
Pre-Chorus 1
Cause I know, I know, You have fought for and won my soul
And I know, I know…
Pre-Chorus 2
Cause I know, I know, You have chosen and claimed me as Your own
And I know, I know…
The second verse was written in a way to cover only a handful of life events that I found Him in midst of. Learning to believe Him. Again, looking at Him, claiming the things He said and learning that in the midst of it all, it was my joy to praise Him. The more I would praise Him the more confident I would stand, and I would find Him in those moments of worship.
Verse 2
Through the waiting and trials, the struggles and the wars
Still, I will declare that I am completely Yours
And in the midst of confusion, the heartache and the pain
I will lift my voice louder still and praise Your Holy Name
The last part I wrote was the bridge of the song. It was the most difficult for sure. In fact, the song would have been done within a week or so had I not been for lacking the last two lines in the bridge. Literally, it sat idle for two years because of those two stinking lines. But once again, the Lord never wastes time. I kept trying to make the bridge say something else, and no matter what I did to fit it together it wouldn’t work. Finally, one day last summer, the Lord gave me the last two lines.
Bridge
Through the mountains, they may fall, and the seas may rage and roar
Still, I will lift my voice to the One who reigns and is Lord of it all
And in Your Truth, I’ll fix my gaze, as Your voice completely outweighs
Every fear and doubt that comes against, that You are my constant.
And just like that, it was finished. I think He wanted me to understand something, in holding those two lines from me for so long. I think He wanted me to understand that those two lines are a process. They weren’t just going to happen overnight. The process is crucial and promise it holds is precious. Not something God has any intention to rush through. He knows it takes time. And He wasn’t just wanting to give me consistency, He was giving me sustainability. He was looking to be WITH me. He wanted me to lean 100%, completely, fully into Him. Allowing His voice to be louder than all the others. Taking out every fear and doubt in the process. He wants to be IT. Period. He wants to be the One, the only One that can know us that intimately. He wants to be the One that makes us whole and completes us! It’s that simple! He is our Constant!