Strained & Struggling

Yesterday I was connecting with a new friend and I was telling the story of my son’s battle with cancer that is now almost 5 years old. There are many stories of my life that are easily remembered. I think the ones that featured deep suffering and struggle are at the front of the line. As I was sharing the story, I realized how intense the emotions still are as I recalled the strain and the struggle of that journey. I’m convinced that strain and struggle come along every now and then as part of our life story. There are almost never welcome and I’m glad when they leave. I hate to admit that I’m stronger and wiser after their visit. I still would rather avoid them if possible.

Job really struggled and strained under the suffering that God allowed him to go through at the hands of the enemy. His struggle was intense. His loss was real. He was hanging on by a thread. His friends lectured him and accused him of sin. He was a good man to whom bad things had happened. He didn’t curse God. He did question God about what is happening to him. Check this out…

6 The realm of the dead is naked before God;

    Destruction lies uncovered.

7 He spreads out the northern skies over empty space;

    he suspends the earth over nothing.

8 He wraps up the waters in his clouds,

    yet the clouds do not burst under their weight.

9 He covers the face of the full moon,

    spreading his clouds over it.

10 He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters

    for a boundary between light and darkness.

14 And these are but the outer fringe of his works;

    how faint the whisper we hear of him!

    Who then can understand the thunder of his power?’ (Job 26:6-10,14 NIV)

I can feel the angst of this spiritually and mentally strong man. His body is weak and worn down from the skin disorder (aka boils) and the pain – yet he stays strong. I am inspired and impressed by Job even as he questions God. I believe that God is ok with the questions. I believe that God is ok with my frustration. The reason I believe God is ok with all of this is He knows my heart like no one else. He wired me with the questions. He wired me with emotions. He built my heart and He has compelled me over the years to keep surrendering my heart to Him. I don’t always get answers to my questions and my emotions eventually settle down – but my heart is hungry for more of Him. I am constantly re-arranging my heart to increase my capacity of God’s Spirit.

I don’t always understand and can’t explain the action or inaction of God – but I trust Him.

I’m not afraid to ask questions or be raw and real with Him – but I respect and revere Him.

In the midst of the strain and struggle – He’s all I really have and He’s all I really need. I love this song sung by Kari Jobe called: Healer.

Pressing On!

Dwayne