Divorce

I am not a fan of divorce. I went through a divorce nearly 28 years ago and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies.  I was broken and in deep pain as my life as I knew it changed.  I know people who flippantly choose divorce as a way to seek happiness. It is not necessarily the answer to an unhappy marriage. Happiness can be fleeting and hard to find. I once heard someone say that if you live right, treat others right, then happiness will find you. I realize that I’m using a broad brush to paint divorce in a negative light. I’m not talking about abused spouses or situations where outside forces like alcohol or drug abuse is in the picture. I’m talking about when a spouse starts looking outside the relationship for satisfaction and fulfillment. Marriage is born out of a deep personal commitment. I believe that marriage is part of God’s plan as He speaks of it in scripture. When we start tinkering with God’s plans, we often make a mess of things.

I know people who have had to fight for years to hold their marriage together, because one spouse made it harder than it should have been. I know people who have sought counsel and submitted to accountability and salvaged their marriage relationship after the most damaging and egregious behavior.

I feel like I’m on a soap box of sorts because of my personal pain through divorce so many years ago. I was reading the genealogies of the tribe of Benjamin and came across a verse that talked about a divorce. It took me a bit by surprise. Check this out….

⁸ After Shaharaim divorced his wives Hushim and Baara, he had children in the land of Moab. 

¹¹ Shaharaim’s wife Hushim had already given birth to Abitub and Elpaal. (1 Chronicles 8:8,11 NLT)

I just couldn’t let that short verse go without thinking about the rest of life that took place behind the scenes. This guy, Shaharaim divorced two wives and one of them had two kids. I think the biggest loser in a divorce is the children of divorce.  It takes the foundation of their lives and breaks it up and the children struggle to find a footing for their own life.

I can tell you some amazing things that the Lord built and made after my divorce.  About 2 years later, I married a friend whom I had known for many years. She became an instant Mom of three kids. She loves children profoundly, even today, some 25 years later.  I also have two more sons – a total of 5 kids that have brought joy beyond words to my life.  I also now have 3 beautiful grands.  I am good friends with my former wife and her husband.  They are Christ-followers and we are still figuring out how to love and build our lives upon the Rock of Ages.

The Lord took my broken mess and made something beautiful out of it. He is the best at taking broken lives and putting them back together. It takes a lot of faith. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of surrendering of my pride.

When I look back on the journey through the lens of today, I’m grateful. I know that the Lord has used my journey to help lots of others through the pain and destruction of divorce.  My life today looks so perfect in so many ways, but there are some deep scars that tell the story of a life that the Lord totally rebuilt from a big mess many years ago.  I don’t want to ever take for granted the blessings of today.

²⁸ And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28 NLT)

Pressing On!

Dwayne