30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years of Life

Blog by Kristen Hicks

June 19th was my 30th birthday! What?!? It’s a little surreal for me to think about that. Mostly, because I still feel and (according to most people) l look more like around 22 or 23. Which is fine. I used to get annoyed by that. Not because I hated I looked so young but because I looked so young I wasn’t taken seriously. Now, I just don’t care if I’m taken seriously.

It was the most amazing day. Filled with surprises and adventures of things I had never done. Although, it has been over a week since I have thought about this one moment so many times. It was the moment when I walked into a room and saw almost all of my favorite people, from all my different life circles yelling, “Surprise!!!” All gathered together just to celebrate with me. That moment has done something to my heart. Something I can’t explain. That was my birthday gift from Jesus. The sweetest moment ever.

I haven’t been able to help myself in reflecting on this birthday and the years that came before it. I have been so looking forward to turning 30, because no offense to my 20s, but they kinda sucked. Or so, that was my perspective up until my mind started spinning with all the beautiful things I’ve learned and encountered over the past 30 years… most of them happening in my 20s. 

So, I decided to write down a few of them. My top 30. In absolutely no way to I have it all figured out. That is not what this is. It’s just some things I’ve lived. The fruit of my life. It’s testimony. I look forward to learning more and leaning into more of who He is and what He has for me. In no particular order, here are “30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years of Life.” (Just as a warning, lengthwise, this is more like a chapter in a book, than it is a blog.)

30. Family is worth fighting for. I have heard it said if God didn’t intend for the church to look like family He would have never called Himself “Father.” These are the people He intentionally chose for me. They are the ones I share the most history with, good and bad. The ones the Lord wanted me to learn from, lean on and laugh with. And yes, I am very aware that not everyone was born into a family like mine. Honestly, every family is different. Not one is like the other. But what I have learned is that families are never perfect, no matter what people think or see. The beauty only comes in families when they are filled constantly with grace and forgiveness. I think the Father created families not only as the greatest teaching tool but as the greatest example and reminder of Himself. And no I’m not just referring to blood related kind of families.   

29. Forgiveness is crucial. It isn’t just good advice. It carries so much weight in the heart of a person that it has the capacity to make or break them. I think when Jesus said that satan had nothing in Him, no hold on Him, no hook, no foothold, it was because He was constantly forgiving. Never allowing bitterness to take root. He talked about forgiving others as you have been forgiven and I am learning that this includes yourself. Forgiving myself has literally been one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn. But it has been one of the most rewarding things because the Lord has used it to show me what He thinks of me and that that is what matters even more than what others think of me and what I think of myself. 

28. It’s ok to let go. Actually sometimes, it’s necessary to let go. This could mean simply the act of surrender. Giving up control. Trusting the Father with your heart, your life. Knowing that He loves you and wants what’s best for you. But it could be letting go of a person or a place, or a season, or all of the above. I was in Marsala, Sicily recently talking to a pastor there. He was telling me about how his church just got done with a sermon series on Joshua. I thought it was interesting because that is the book the Lord has me reading at the moment. So I asked him, what were the major points they made about the book. He told me about this picture they have on display in their church. It was of an immigrant family, standing on Ellis Island, looking at New York City. He said in that time, immigrants had to stay on that island for 40 days before they were able fully enter the US. He asked the question, “But what if they had come so far and just decided to settle on Ellis Island?” Then told me their main point on the book of Joshua was to have the courage and strength to leave the wilderness behind, no matter how comfortable with it they had become and move into the promised land. 

27. It is better to champion someone in pursuing what God is calling them to than it is to hold them back just because I don’t want to lose them in the way I have them. This is a form of truly loving a person and putting them before yourself— when you encourage them to step out in faith. They are already scared enough, they don’t need me planting within them seeds of doubt. 

26. There is such a thing as complete healing for the heart. However, sometimes the Lord has to completely break it in order to put it back together the way He wants it. It is painful and sometimes a process but it is something worth allowing, believing for and yielding to.

25. Sometimes expectations of a person or a situation only sets me up for disappointment or failure. I must also allow grace to be my guide though situations and with people. That is one thing I learned growing up in two homes. Going with the flow was a better way to cope than control. Also, Proverbs 16:9 “We make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

24. Don’t take myself too seriously. This isn’t just dealing with my pride or my ego. It deals with comparison with others and with false expectations I might have about myself. I am just a person. Even if I slay a giant, walk on water, cast out a demon, or heal a blind man. I am not Jesus. However, it doesn’t mean that those thing are too far out of reach for me. Those were all things broken human beings did. But they all were confident in knowing Whose they were. Knowing that I am God’s child is everything. Steffany Gretzinger said “The most influential thing you could ever do, the most amazing high calling you could ever walk in is the one He called you to and nothing else.” I want to allow His voice to define me and tell me who I am and what He wants me to do.

23. Worship is giving back to God what He first gave to us. Oh man, I could go on for days about this subject. But I will try and keep it simple. There is a reason, I close my eyes and lose myself when I sing. It’s because all I want to do, all that matters to me in those moments is to tell my Father, how much He means to me. But worship isn’t just about singing a song. It’s about life, and giving Him back everything He gave you in whatever that looks like. 

22. Obedience is driven by love not fear. This one took me a very long time to figure out in my heart. Because I always wanted to please God. Not that that in and of itself was wrong. But I hated when I messed up and I always thought He was really angry or disappointed in me when I would. I would try to obey out of fear of making Him mad or being done with me and guess what? I would fail. Every. Single. Time. Until He shifted my perspective. I fell in love with Him. Then I wanted to obey. Not because I was afraid of disappointing Him. But because I wanted to. Because I loved Him. It’s just different.

21. Again, I could write for days on complete dependency. This is a subject I think I will never stop learning about. At least, I hope not. This was what His intention was in the beginning in creating human beings. To do life with them. To simply walk with them. Every little bitty thing. He just wanted to be with them and for them to completely depend on Him. I never want to get over this. I never want it stop wrecking my heart. More surrender, more dependency. 

20. I have learned that I have put filters on the voice of God and on the Word of God. Sometimes this is because I have allowed someone else’s view of God to shape my perspective. Sometimes it’s because I have filtered something through some level of fear. There are also times, when the Lord will allow me to go through seasons with blinders on. I have learned 1. To trust Him with every season—past, present and future. But also, 2. To ask the Holy Spirit to teach me and show me where I have believed lies about Abba, based on my own understanding and fear. I have also, learned that nothing is coincidence. And that sometimes the Lord allows me to go through things, not to trick me or tease me, but to stretch me and grow me and teach me new things about Himself. 

19. Seasons change. This is inevitable. But every season has a purpose and beauty all it’s own. It’s best to just embrace them as they come and know that they are meant to change my life forever and for the better. They are all gifts from Abba. And they can happen in a single moment.

18. Faith is not the same as positive thinking. Just because I believe something that I want, will happened doesn’t make it faith. Faith always points to the Kingdom. The realm in which we can’t see, yet it is among us. And the Kingdom always points to the One True King. Faith being sure of Him, who He is and being certain of His heart, what He can do, who He can be and the power of His Kingdom. The Kingdom that isn’t far away but among us and within us. 

17. Laughter is medicine. There should always be balance in my life. Honestly, I feel like there has never been a time when I have said, I need a little less laughter in my life. I always want to make sure my life has laughter and fun in it because life isn’t meant to be a constant counseling session. There isn’t enough advice in the world that can refresh my spirit the way that laughter can.

16. Worship scares snakes. When I was a little girl, there was this massive dirt pile right where you entered the woods at my Dad’s house. It was left from when they built the house. I remember I was certain and terrified there were snakes in it and my Dad told me to just make a bunch a noise when I walked by it. He also said sing a song if you have to. I remember, sitting with the Lord a couple years ago and asking Him what to do when I felt like I was being attacked in this one certain way. He took me back to those moments when I would walk by the dirt pile and just start singing at the top of my lungs. I knew that His heart was for me to worship and sing at the top of my lungs whenever I felt attacked from the enemy. My Mom, sister and I were hiking not long ago and there was a snake in this one area, we just started singing Veggie Tails songs as loud as we could and just kept walking confidently. Pretty sure the enemy is more afraid of my voice proclaiming truth than I am afraid of him. 

15. Grieving is a gift. Seriously, learning this has been one of my most favorite things lately. I used to be afraid of this process, or rather I used to dread it. Now I can confidently, receive it as a gift. Because I understand what it does to my heart and my soul. My friend Kamilah said one time that tears water the things growing inside of you. They water the seeds that God has planted in you. I have learned this to be true and I am thankful and now embrace the process. It doesn’t just have to be grief in allowing something to die. It can just mean crying over a situation or circumstance. The woman that washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, collected those tears from every joyful, happy, painful, sad moment that she encounter throughout her life and pouring them out before the Lord became an act of worship. Giving Him every single moment that moved her to tears. This is the most beautiful thing to me and I thank God for allowing me to learn to worship through lament. It is a priceless treasure. 

14. Adventures are worth taking. Sometimes I have to learn how to have an adventure in my own backyard before I can go anywhere else. The Lord is always with me and He loves adventures even more than I do. There is no fear when I know that He is with me. Taking risks are worth it. No ifs, ands, or buts. 

13. Building a life isn’t worth forfeiting living one. I saw this when I was 17 years old. All the circles the world traps us in. Getting this one particular degree to make this particular amount of money, to live this in size house, and then being trapped into staying in that one job only to be able to retire and do what I really want to do when I get older. However, no one is guaranteed to make it to retirement. And then by then some have forgotten or are too tired to do the things they once so dreamed about. The Lord is about giving true Life. Abundant Life is I’m pretty sure what He called it. I feel like that means I never have to worry. I don’t have to impress anyone. I want to do the things that remind me that I’m breathing. That I am alive and that I have one, very precious life that He wants me to trust Him with. He wants to show me all the things He created, all the beauty, all the impossible, mind-blowing things that don’t make sense to our human understanding. Live life. 

12. Be yourself. I feel like I have spent half myself trying to apologize or hide who I really am. But why? Insecurity only holds me back from being all that I was created to be. I wasn’t created to look like and be like everyone else. I was born to be different and stand out and accomplish something that God doesn’t really want anyone else to. He loves me uniquely. Therefore, who I am is unique. 

11. Everything comes out of the secret place. Presence is everything. I have learned this on so many levels it’s insane. Who I am before God and what we talk about when it’s just He and I shapes and changes everything about my life. I can accomplish NOTHING apart from Him. I have seen and tried to accomplish things on my own and I find that I am working my butt off only to bring people into getting their feet wet in the kiddie pool. The Holy Spirit knows everyone and everything, why would I do anything without asking Him? Jesus called Him the Helper for a reason. It’s ok to ask Him for help. He loves it and wants it and it isn’t a cop out to do so. Trust Him. Rely on Him. Lean in to what He is saying. I could write for days on this subject but for now I’m gonna stop. 

10. Allow the Gospel to transform you the smile of the Father mark you and the Kingdom to sustain you. I have stayed far too long on that first one. Although it’s continuous cycle. I must allow the Father to mark me and define and then seek the Kingdom to stand on. I am convinced that this what keeps me rooted and constantly changing into the likeness of Jesus. Also, it pulls my heart more and more into love. And I find myself falling ever more in love with Jesus and His people.

9. The Spirit will lead you into all truth. Do I really need to say more. Far too often I have relied on other people to teach me. Not that listening and allowing others to teach me and challenge me is wrong. However, if I never take their words and their teaching before the Holy Spirit and allow Him to confirm it or correct it, I may be subject to deception and confusion. He has all the answers. I must seek His heart constantly about everything. 

8. Do the things you did at first. Sometimes when I have found myself in seasons when I feel stuck. I remind myself to retrace my steps. It remind myself of the truth. The things that I know, that I know, that I know. I recount the ways in which God has come through for me in the past and I remember the things He has taught me about who He is and what He is really like. Then I ask Him what He thinks about me. 

7. True friends are those that God ordained for me to have. They aren’t just the ones that I have the most in common with. They are the ones that stretch me, challenge me, know all my stuff and still never leave. These are the ones that don’t leave during seasons of hardship or disagreement. They fight to be with me, even if there are moments when it seems like they are against me. Some friendships, however, are only there for seasons, to teach me and grow me. And when their season is done, it’s ok to let them go and grieve the season they were with me. 

6. He is faithful. No matter how many times I am not faithful, He still is. He cannot change or sway from this. Even if He says or shows me something He is going to do and I rebel like hell against Him. Until the day I die, I am never too far for Him to bring you back and accomplish what He has already said and established in my life. It’s more about His faithfulness and His word than it is about my shortcomings.

5. Brennan Manning said, “The Father not only loves you, He likes you.” This has resonated with me mostly because growing up in church and hearing constantly that Jesus loves me, I thought He had to. And that doesn’t make me special. That could not be further from the truth. He loves me, because He loves me, because He loves me. And it has nothing to do with what I’ve done or not done. He loves me because of who He is. He is LOVE. And He sees me as worthy because of Jesus. The sooner that I grasp that in every area of my life the more free I will live.

4. My friend, Kayla, taught me when I say yes, I am giving power to something or someone. My yes, also, means I am saying no to something else. My yes, is very precious to Abba. That’s why He wants it. So He can protect it. My yes is ultimately my life. My story. One that when trusted in the hands of a very protective Father, it can change the world, completely. Knowing the power of my yes and then willfully giving it up to the Father is the root of obedience, of death to self, of trusting Him and of loving Him. And I am not just speaking on a spiritual level, I am speaking on a physical one. The day to day mundane of life. Abba lives here too. No people pleasing. He wants me to ask Him what to say yes to and what to say no to.  

3. God has something to say. He has an opinion. He has a best. He is an involved Father. Free will does not mean God has no will. And when I choose to let Him love me with His best, through the obedience that comes from loving Him, this is when the abundance of His life comes flowing out of me. Know His voice. Journal His voice. Let it be louder than the others. Including your own. 

2. I have gifts and talents but it’s more important I realize that I am a gift. Because I’m His. In knowing this, I never have to perform. I just get to be me and tell Him how much I love Him using everything in my life that He has given me to do so.  

1. This one is my favorite. BY FAR, the most important. To the point I got a tattoo on my birthday… of a tiny heart, to remind myself of it from now until the end of my life. It’s simple. I am loved. I am loved by my Creator. And He loves me because, again, I am His. There is nothing I can do to earn more of it. It is already more than I could ever possibly imagine or understand. There is nothing I can do to take it away. THIS!!!!! THIS is the simplicity of my identity. This is the position from which I want to live, to lead from, to land. Every day. Every. Day. Everything comes out of truly knowing this and simply receiving it. So I plan to. I’ve wasted too much of my life already worrying, fearing, overcompensating, proving, performing, analyzing, explaining. Instead, I’m going to choose the words believing, giving, receiving, resting, living, loving, hoping, worshiping, every word that has life, light and holiness attached to it. Every. Single. One. All of it coming out knowing and believing I am loved and I am His and He is mine forever!