Blog by Kristen Hicks
“Am I an idiot, Abba?” This was seriously the first thing I wrote in my journal tonight. It’s 1 am and I can’t seem to make my brain stop with this question. So, what better time than to write out a song story. “Battle Cry”, well, that seems fitting for my current thought process. I know good and well, that the Father does not think I’m an idiot; but lately, I do. Humbled? Maybe that is the “better” term in His vocabulary. It seems like every turn, every twist, every situation I find myself in, I also find myself humbled, corrected, feeling almost like a fool even. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what you want to hear, I’m just not sure of anything anymore. Nothing except Him.
This is one of those songs, I sing often. It’s a song I belt out when I feel attacked, discouraged, out of control, and yes, a straight up idiot. Why? Because it has a way of realigning me with the Truth—not with myself. There is something about boldly proclaiming who He is rather than focusing on who I’m not at the moment.
“You are the Great Deliverer, releasing me from my chains.
You are the Grave Redeemer, and I find freedom in the midst of my shame.
You are the Triumphal Leader, strategic in all that You do.
You are the Almighty Protector, and I will rest beneath the wings of Your Truth.
No bondage or slavery can captivate Your Victory, no weapon is a match to Your Sword
No trial or suffering can compromise Your Majesty or the Peace that You bring to the war.
So I will stand my ground, even when the walls fall down, I will let my allegiance be known
And I will lift my eyes and with a battle cry, I will lay down my life at Your Throne.
You are the Merciful Forgiver, Your Blood has covered all my sin.
And You are the All-Powerful Healer, and You speak life into the weakness of men.
No shadow or darkness and fool The Light of Holiness, no tongue can avenge Your Great Name.
No sickness or struggle can mask the power of Your Love, as You bind up the broken and lame.
Hallelujah, no grave can hold me down.
Hallelujah, I will fight till creation resounds.”
Yes, there is something about belting out the truth of Who He is, that makes me forget about who I’m not. There is something about standing on His Promises that makes me fall to my face in surrender. Because I know, I really know, that the greatest weapon, the greatest defense, the greatest way to fight battles, of the mind, of the heart, of all the things going on around me, is to surrender and let Him fight for me.
I have gone to bat with this song more times than I could count. It truly is my battle cry. It was written right before, the hardest season, I’ve ever had to walk through thus far. But I have often found that the Lord is faithful to go ahead of us. He knew I would need a song to claim when all the walls around my heart, and in my life fell down with one quick, but very hard blow.
In the last year, I was in my room one day belting out this song, when the Lord decided it needed a little something more.
“I won’t stop, running after You. I won’t quit though they want me to.
I will lift my voice louder still and praise Your name for all to hear.”
The words literally fell out of my mouth. Every single time I sing this part, I feel like it’s the Lord’s way of teaching me to take a jab at the enemy. Because, although his agenda is to steal, kill, and destroy, I instead get to say, “I will NOT stop and I will NOT quit. In fact, I WILL sing louder, and I WILL praise more!!!”
So, tonight, I’m holding onto this. Not looking at myself— trying to figure out if I really am an idiot or not— but I will lift my eyes and look at Him as I come before Him humbled and in awe of Who He is, and I will surrender to Him— all the things I am and I’m not.
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