“Battle Cry” Song Story (“The Barn” Album)

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Blog by Kristen Hicks

“Am I an idiot, Abba?” This was seriously the first thing I wrote in my journal tonight. It’s 1 am and I can’t seem to make my brain stop with this question. So, what better time than to write out a song story. “Battle Cry”, well, that seems fitting for my current thought process. I know good and well, that the Father does not think I’m an idiot; but lately, I do. Humbled? Maybe that is the “better” term in His vocabulary. It seems like every turn, every twist, every situation I find myself in, I also find myself humbled, corrected, feeling almost like a fool even. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what you want to hear, I’m just not sure of anything anymore. Nothing except Him.

This is one of those songs, I sing often. It’s a song I belt out when I feel attacked, discouraged, out of control, and yes, a straight up idiot. Why? Because it has a way of realigning me with the Truth—not with myself. There is something about boldly proclaiming who He is rather than focusing on who I’m not at the moment.

“You are the Great Deliverer, releasing me from my chains.

You are the Grave Redeemer, and I find freedom in the midst of my shame.

You are the Triumphal Leader, strategic in all that You do.

You are the Almighty Protector, and I will rest beneath the wings of Your Truth.

No bondage or slavery can captivate Your Victory, no weapon is a match to Your Sword

No trial or suffering can compromise Your Majesty or the Peace that You bring to the war.

So I will stand my ground, even when the walls fall down, I will let my allegiance be known 

And I will lift my eyes and with a battle cry, I will lay down my life at Your Throne.

You are the Merciful Forgiver, Your Blood has covered all my sin.

And You are the All-Powerful Healer, and You speak life into the weakness of men.

No shadow or darkness and fool The Light of Holiness, no tongue can avenge Your Great Name.

No sickness or struggle can mask the power of Your Love, as You bind up the broken and lame.

Hallelujah, no grave can hold me down.

Hallelujah, I will fight till creation resounds.”

Yes, there is something about belting out the truth of Who He is, that makes me forget about who I’m not. There is something about standing on His Promises that makes me fall to my face in surrender. Because I know, I really know, that the greatest weapon, the greatest defense, the greatest way to fight battles, of the mind, of the heart, of all the things going on around me, is to surrender and let Him fight for me.

I have gone to bat with this song more times than I could count. It truly is my battle cry. It was written right before, the hardest season, I’ve ever had to walk through thus far. But I have often found that the Lord is faithful to go ahead of us. He knew I would need a song to claim when all the walls around my heart, and in my life fell down with one quick, but very hard blow.

In the last year, I was in my room one day belting out this song, when the Lord decided it needed a little something more.  

“I won’t stop, running after You. I won’t quit though they want me to.

I will lift my voice louder still and praise Your name for all to hear.”

The words literally fell out of my mouth. Every single time I sing this part, I feel like it’s the Lord’s way of teaching me to take a jab at the enemy. Because, although his agenda is to steal, kill, and destroy, I instead get to say, “I will NOT stop and I will NOT quit. In fact, I WILL sing louder, and I WILL praise more!!!”

So, tonight, I’m holding onto this. Not looking at myself— trying to figure out if I really am an idiot or not— but I will lift my eyes and look at Him as I come before Him humbled and in awe of Who He is, and I will surrender to Him— all the things I am and I’m not.

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“I Am Yours” Song Story (“The Barn” Album)

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Blog by Kristen Hicks

I have struggled with this. I have been all about sharing the stories behind these songs until now when it’s actually time to sit down and start writing them. Mostly, because they are tender. They require me to be vulnerable— to take off any mask that I might be wearing to protect my heart or my reputation. At first, I thought I might tell the stories at arm’s length. Telling only the logistics of the moment the song was actually written, no background, no reasoning, no emotion, no heart; but tonight, I am realizing that that isn’t what the Lord is asking of me. Let me be clear, He isn’t making me do this. He isn’t twisting my arm, holding a gun to my head— He is simply asking, “Kristen, will you tell them our story? Tell them about Me, and who I have shown you I Am.”

That is where this song story begins. This is the newest written song on the album. Some of you might be wondering, why I decided to start the album and my story from the end rather than the beginning. Well, as the Lord reminds me often, I tend to do things backwards. And when He first revealed this to me, I was smack dab in the middle of the story behind this song. A crossroads. On the verge of the Lord about to do the craziest, most random, out there thing He has ever done in my life. Pursue me.

Wait, what? Yea, you read that right. And yes, I also believe that He has always been in pursuit of me—of all of us, in fact. But this pursuit has been different. Actually, some of the romantic dreamers out there would probably even use the word “woo” instead of pursuit. It hasn’t been a pursuit of my soul, He’s already got me there, but rather it’s a wooing of my heart. He’s been after my love. I never knew even until now, that He wanted it so desperately. I knew I wanted Him to have it, but I just didn’t know He desired it the way He does. I didn’t know, He valued it— that my love for Him was so incredibly precious to Him.

I had heard it my whole life, “Jesus loves you” but it had become silent, lost its wonder, sounding more and more like a copout rather than something that was supposed to actually change me—something that was supposed to define me.

There is this verse in Zephaniah 3 that says “For the Lord, your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” (v.17) This was the verse He used to begin His quest for my heart. As if giving His life wasn’t enough. This was when I began to realize He wasn’t just looking to save me. He was looking to be with me— to be present, to be one with me, complete me, fight for me,  comfort me, heal me, protect me, to make me smile and laugh… to love me—like really, really love me. This was when I realized He created me to be loved.

I was in my room one day, sitting with Him. Bringing Him all my stuff— my insecurities, yes, all those thoughts, all the imperfections, all my shame, my fears. I began to think about Zephaniah 3:17 and wondered what it would be like to hear Him singing over me, and what His lyrics would be. I then began to hear this sweet melody in my head. It was a love letter but in song form. It was an invitation. What came out of that moment was this song.

“Dear one, I’m longing for you to come and rest here in My arms, so I can breathe new life into your lungs. My love can never be won, so let go of all the things you’ve done, and let Me show you how to be one. 

Lay down all your insecurities, because the possibilities are endless. And let Me love you out of where you’re at, no I really won’t hold back if you’ll yield to Me. 

Cause you are Mine and I Am yours, forevermore, forevermore. You are Mine and I Am yours, forevermore, forevermore.

Sometimes, it’s hard to see outside the lines of your humanity, so sometimes you’ll just have to trust me. And when it seems like nothing makes sense, and the enemy is lurking in your midst, oh let Me be your greatest defense. 

I won’t stop singing, I won’t sing over you I won’t stop chasing, I won’t stop chasing after you. I’m in deep pursuit of you. I won’t stop calling, I won’t stop calling out to you. I won’t stop singing, I won’t stop singing over you.”

I’m realizing that part of the beauty behind the songs He sings over us, is that they aren’t just meant to be received. He wants us to join in—belting out the sacred declaration of what He is singing, rather than the lies we are believing. I have found myself, with this particular song, realizing that while I sing the chorus, proclaiming on behalf of Jesus as Husband “you are MINE and I AM yours, forevermore!” that I can sing it back to Him as His Bride, “YOU are mine and I am YOURS, forevermore!” in unison, at the same time, as One, the way He always intended for it to be. And suddenly, all of those insecurities become possibilities to be loved by Him and to love Him in return.

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The Barn

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Blog by Kristen Hicks

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Not long ago, my friend, Kamilah, and I went to a wine tasting. The tasting consisted of seven different types wines and paired them with 3 different kinds of cheeses. My most favorite thing about the whole experience was that before each wine was tasted, the lady would tell us about how it was made— what kind of grapes were used, how they were crushed, what was used in the process of crushing them, the age of the wine, what it paired best with—basically, just everything that made that wine unique. Each wine had its own story.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved music. I love singing— the passion behind it. I love that music produces something words alone simply can’t. However, I love when music collides with words. It creates something new— a way for people to express fears, explore passions, declare dreams. It creates space for something to be found—an encounter, maybe— an answer… I don’t know. But what I do know is, something happens.

Worship through music adds another level, I have found. It brings a person into agreement and aligns their body, soul, and spirit, with the person of Jesus. It ignites fire, inspires confidence, heals wounds, speaks truth, offers hope. I just feel like my truest self when I do this. I think it is an incredible example of the body of Christ operating as one—claiming the truth in unison. It’s proclaiming songs that someone else wrote out of their own encounter with the Holy Spirit and then allowing others to be able to own it for themselves.

I have literally asked the Lord countless times for the opportunity to do this– to record an album and share the songs He has given me with whoever I could convince to listen to them. I have wrestled with Him on it over the years, eventually, allowing Him to have His way, and wait for His timing. Even as this particular opportunity presented itself, I tried to run with it in my own way, until finally, He gave me the specs for it. He told me to only record seven songs. One is from Jesus, three are to Him, one is a lullaby, and two are love songs. You could say, these seven songs are like the seven wines I tasted. Each one unique, each one produced in a different way, each one having its own story. These songs shine light on different areas of my heart, but all are wrapped up and defined by the grace of Jesus. There is power in testimony—I know this from experience. So what I felt like the Lord told me to do in this project is not to just give you a song, but to give you a story with each song. That way it would produce His power for you to taste His goodness for yourself. (I will post a new story each week, so be on the lookout.)

The album is named “The Barn” because this is the story I’m in right now. I live in this barn, and I’m learning to embrace it and all the crazy good things the Lord is bringing out of it. It’s a hard season, which is why we intentionally took the picture of the cover on a rainy day. But it’s also a season that is pushing me to live differently, to see the world in a new light, and to wait in expectation for the Lord to simply come and sit with me. Hope. That’s the word of this process. Which is why the actual CD itself is such a bright color. It’s the closest thing I could find that reminded me of a sunset color.

I am terrified. I must confess that to you. As much as I have always wanted this, I am very much aware that I am putting myself in a vulnerable position for my heart to be torn to shreds. But, I also know that these stories, these encounters with Jesus, are meant to be shared. Even if, there is only one person pushed toward Jesus with these stories and songs, then it’s worth it. I sincerely mean that.

But my hope is that it’s more than one. I hope you find yourself in the middle of these stories, and that Jesus meets you there. I hope they bring out a new hope within you, not just in the things you’re waiting on, but in Jesus, claiming Him as your one, true hope. My prayer is that you realize that in the midst of whatever process He’s got you in, He is creating something within you. He is orchestrating your own song to sing—your own story to share. Finally, I hope these songs will simply encourage you to just keep going— ever believing, ever leaning, and ever singing to Jesus.

P.S. I would really like to give a really BIG, incredible shout out to Matthew Hicks and Jimmy Knott! You guys did an AMAZING job, playing on this album, mastering it, doing the artwork, just ALL the things!!! I could NOT have done it without you guys. I could not ask for better guys who care enough to get inside my heart and head and know where I’m at without me having to figure out how to say it. I love you guys and I am super thankful for yall!!! Also, shout out to Lydia Fuller for going out into the rain with Matthew and I, on one of the colder days, might I add, and taking the picture for the cover. Seriously Thank YOU!!!! 

Battery Low

Battery Low
Blog by Kristen Hicks

This morning I woke up thinking about my car battery. Yes, I am aware that that is a strange thing to be thinking about at 7am, it’s fine. A little over a month ago, I got a new battery. It was a tad expensive, but I got a 3-year warranty on it because I have this really bad tendency to leave my lights on. My car lacks that one, little, extremely helpful feature of “dinging” at me when I get out of the car and I haven’t turned them off. I’ve gotten better. I’ve trained myself and sometimes when I turn them on in the rain, I ask the Holy Spirit to remind me to turn them off. Totally works, by the way!!

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I went and got my oil changed. When I went to pick my car back up the guy tells me my battery is testing lower than it should. Clearly, something is wrong. I haven’t left my lights on since I got a new battery, so that can’t be it. Who knows. I haven’t taken it to get it checked out yet. It seems to be running ok, but I am far from a mechanic.

Do you ever wake up in the morning and feel like you are already behind in your day? It’s not really about what time you wake up, it doesn’t matter, there’s just like this hint of anxiousness and hustle greeting you as soon as you open your eyes; reminding you of all the things you need to get done, all the people you need to meet with, contact— make sure to remember this, don’t forget that. Ugh! What is that? The bad thing is, I’m the type of person that tends to try to hide from it. I shut down when I get super overwhelmed. I hide under my covers until I realize that it’s not going away, and oh wait, awesome, I just made it worse because I wasted time, hoping it would leave. Way to go Kristen!

I have the great privilege of having jobs that are flexible. I don’t have to be anywhere at a certain time usually. If I want to stay up late and work, instead of getting up early, I can. If I need to take a day off and get more hours the next day, I can. My life is way different than it has ever been before. It’s freeing to some extent, but, honestly, I don’t think I really know what to do with freedom sometimes. I feel like I’ve been this caged bird my whole life, and then one day someone decided to open the cage and set me free only I don’t know how to fly. Have I forgotten, or is it that I just never learned?

My problem is I am a people pleaser. I thought I had gotten better at that. But it seems like I’ve gotten sucked back into the mindset. I think it’s because I don’t know what to do with freedom, so I am allowing other people to tell me. I’m allowing them to have a say in how I spend my time. How? By always saying yes, and never saying no. Never saying what I need. Never admitting that I’m being pulled in 20 different directions all by people I love and care about and want to spend time with. I love helping people, I love walking through things with them, counseling them. But it’s beginning to take over. Slowly stealing time. Slowing stealing me.

There is this still small voice inside, begging me to stop, telling me to take care of myself— asking me questions like “who is taking care of you?” And then there is another little voice saying, “that’s selfish, suck it up, there are other people who are dealing with actual problems.” I don’t know. I don’t know on either of those. I just know that I don’t feel like myself. I feel like my battery is testing low, and it’s like there is something, somewhere sucking the life out of me very quietly and quickly, but I have no idea what it is or how to fix it.

So this morning, when thinking about my car battery, I also, felt like maybe I need to pay attention to the anxiousness and hustle. They are warning signs that something isn’t right— something needs to give, something needs to be reexamined. I have to say no, even if it looks like I’m being irresponsible. I need to cut out all the voices, even the good ones and just listen to the voice of God for a bit because everything is getting mumbled and jumbled and cloudy. I dread it, clearing away. Because I know once again, I’ll probably be misunderstood. Some may even decide to voice out loud the voice that I heard within— the “selfish, suck it up” one. I dread letting people down and disappointing them.

But my dread doesn’t come close to how much I miss God. It doesn’t compare to how tired I am of writing the same things in my journal every day. I keep saying, I need Him to define me, but I’ve not allowed myself the time, space, the freedom to let Him do so. Instead, I’ve let the voice of other people weigh in more than His. And I know that means I’m prolonging the process, He’s got me in. But how, how do I change this? I’m terrible at managing my time, especially when I have anxiousness and hustle blowing their whistles at me telling me to “RUN!!!”

I think the answer is to just choose Jesus. No matter what. To create space even if I don’t have any, turn off the phone and just sit with Him. Wherever and whatever that looks like. I don’t mind talking to Him on the go. I don’t mind taking Him with me to all my appointments and meetings and such. But I need intimacy. I need wholeness. I need to be loved on and cared for. And those are not bad, selfish things.

This is my goal. This is what matters to me. This is freedom to me. Freedom to be present, freedom to be centered and whole and not apologize or be insecure about who I am. Freedom to fix my gaze on what really matters; the things I really care about. Not what everyone else thinks. I think if I do this, I will actually be able to love others more fully, more fearlessly, more wholly. I read something last week, in “Present Over Perfect,” that I very much needed to be reminded of. I keep reading it over and over until it settles into me. I hope it settles into you as well.

“…the idea that the person of Christ is sitting next to me, bodily, keeping me company, breathing in and out as I do— it’s still tricky for me. And it’s still tricky for me to hand Him all my silly human concerns—little wounds and worries, dreams and discouragements. But I spend more and more time sitting with Him, not with the Platonic ideal of divinity, abstracted away to a safe distance. I sit with Jesus, the human-and-divine being sent to be with us, Emmanuel. I practice being with Him. It feels as awkward as I’m making it sound, I’m sure….I’m learning, minute by minute that I spend sitting with Him, allowing myself to be heard, my heart held, my dreams known. We’re in uncharted territory now, so I don’t know exactly how things shift from here, but I’m finding that my ability to sit with Jesus makes me more present and connected… As I create space and imagination within myself to be heard by the actual person on Christ, my capacity to hear the people I love is increasing. And my sense of strength, deep inside myself, grows and grows. So much of life seems to be about reclaiming… And I’m learning that spiritual practice is a reclaiming too. I used to know how to do this kind of prayer, when I was a child, when so many voices weren’t yelling their bad advice at me while I prayed, telling me I’m doing it wrong in a thousand different directions. 

Here’s the thing: I might be doing it wrong, in someone else’s view. But as I sit, my heart grows more compassionate. My gratitude increases. I become more humble, more thankful, less fearful. So maybe there isn’t a wrong on this one, so long as it’s yielding a God-ward heart. And at the end of it all, at the center of it all, that’s the whole of who I am: this God-ward heart. Amen.” (Shauna Niequist)

 

What Do You Want?

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Blog by Kristen Hicks

What do I want? Is this a question I am allowed to ask? Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m torn. You see, there are a few instances I can find in Scripture when Jesus asked this question, but to what degree was He asking?

Voices. I feel like there are 1 million voices telling me something different; this person believes this, that person believes that still another believes something totally different. All believe their way is right. All believe they know the truth.

I got the opportunity to hear Bob Goff speak a couple weeks ago and he was asking this question. He followed up with several other questions like, “Why do you do what you do? Are you willing to do what it takes to get what you want? What do you already have to get what you want?”

Then there is this book I’m reading, “Present Over Perfect” by Shauna Niequist. She writes, “Essentially, what I’m talking about, what I’m circling ever nearer to is agency. Or maybe authority; owning one’s life, for better and for worse, saying out loud, ‘This is who I am, this is who I’m not, this is what I want. This is what I’m leaving behind.’… You get to tell the truth about what you love and who you are and what you dream about…. What I’m learning is that you have to stop doing a whole lot of things to learn what it is you really love, who it is you really are…. You get to make your life. In fact, you have to. And not only can you make it, you can remake it.”

Still another voice running through my head is in the scriptures: “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. But don’t begin until you count the cost… so you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.” (Luke 14:26-28a; 33)

The easy answer sounds like it would be the passage of scripture is the right voice. But the thing about it is, whose voice am I hearing speak it? It seems filtered, misinterpreted. The voice I am hearing speak this passage is condescending, harsh, and without grace. There is a tone, in it that isn’t gentle. It’s the tone that speaks, “You are never enough. You will never measure up. If you don’t get it together, I am done with you.” Can that be Jesus?

There seems to be a word that constantly has a lie attached to it… should. “You should spend more time in the Word. You should pray more. You should be witnessing. Should, should, should, should.” You get the idea. You’ve heard it spoken. This word produces shame. Every. Single. Time. Shame is of the enemy, not God. Its agenda is to literally make you run—run from God, run from people. Hide. Quit.

The voice of God NEVER produces shame. 

This is something to know— to be confident in— to believe Him. 

The truth is, I don’t know the truth. I know it doesn’t make sense that I don’t know. I know that some of you think I think too much— that I can’t let stuff go. But you must know this; what I don’t want is just to survive this one, very precious life I’ve been given. No, that isn’t on my bucket list. I am well aware that the enemy is trying to steal, kill and destroy me. In fact, I am so well aware, that I am convinced that one of his greatest weapons is to convince me that I can manage my behavior— that I can push down thoughts, stifle my emotions, and pretend that I’m good. But what kind of life is that? Is that the life of abundance that Jesus promised?

What I really want, is I want to LIVE, REALLY LIVE!! Live in fullness! Live in wholeness! Live healed! Live knowing without any doubt of who He is and being confident of who I am in Him! Live without fear! Live in freedom! I want to find the pieces that I’ve lost- those that the enemy stole from me! I want to actually believe Jesus! I want to know Him! His heart! His Ways! His thoughts! His Word! THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!!! I feel like I’m screaming it at the top of my lungs and no sound is coming out. No one can hear me!!!!

This isn’t something you just attain, this isn’t something you can just do just because someone tells you to. There is process. Yes, it sounds like a simple answer, but just because something is simple doesn’t make it easy. And the truth is, I’m not there yet. But I’m trying. I’m asking my questions, I am seeking out the heart of God. I’m trying to be real and vulnerable about where I’m at, even if I get misunderstood, shut down, or turned away. I honestly, just feel like most of the time, I’m just begging for someone to listen. Not fix. Not pity. Not bombard me with their opinions or bark the word “should” in my face. I get that I talk a lot, I know sometimes my thoughts are too heavy and burdensome. But it’s how I get somewhere, how I understand, how I overcome.

Please stop putting me in places that I’ve never, ever been. Stop making me feel like I “should” have it all together when I’m literally hanging on by a thread. The truth is, I’m begging for someone, somewhere out there to teach me, to walk WITH me, and not have me completely labeled in expectation.

What do I want? I just want Him… I just really, really want Him… That’s it. That is why I am the way that I am. This is the truth of who I am. This is why I do what I do. This is why I get way too excited about Jesus conversations that apparently make others feel inadequate or threatened. That is actually the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to learn. To process with you. Because I know that when I process with people we get there quicker. I want Him. In, through, before, behind, just all the way around, just Him— in everything that comes out of me and my life, just Him— in my friendships, in my marriage one day, in my jobs, how I spend my time, all of it, just Him. He is what I want.

Waiting

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Blog by Kristen Hicks

This is one of those words. Yes, you know the words I’m talking about. Those words no one wants to ever speak of. “Shhh, if you don’t say it, it doesn’t actually exist; you don’t actually have to do it.” Usually, this word is attached to the word patience. Oh, snap! Heaven forbids, anyone ever prays for patience. I get it. I’ve been there, done that, and yep, it’s looking like I’m back again.

Waiting.

Does anyone out there ever feel like you have spent your entire life waiting? Or is it just me? So unfair, am I right? What could waiting possibly be doing for us? Waiting to graduate, waiting to get that one job, waiting for that one person, waiting to start a family. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. And that’s not even all of it.

This is a normal response, and I’m pretty sure no one ever actually enjoys it, especially when we are right smack dab in the middle of it. It’s gruesome, agonizing, dreadful, painful to even think about; yes, all of the words that describe what it’s like to die very, very slowly. I think we can all come into agreement and in unison let out a loud, grumbling “UGH!”

I know I’m being a little overly dramatic, it’s fine; but if I’m honest, this is how I really feel about it all on the inside.

Stuck. This is a great word to describe it. You’re just stuck until the wait is over. “What are you really doing in this process, Lord?”

Take a minute and listen to even just the first part of this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGujUgvP_LY&t=1251s

“Patience is what we do while we wait…. While we wait, we praise… There is something that shifts when we simply decide Jesus.”

I listened to this video months ago and since then I’ve listened to it several times over. Just letting it speak into me. Allowing the truth of what she said to take hold of not just my understanding, not just my thoughts, but my heart and soul. I feel like I’m just now beginning to scratch the surface of this.

I’ve been finding myself in the Psalms. I think because David knew how to wait better than anyone. Or maybe, because he wrote out his heart in songs, he just knew how to express it better.

Psalm 5:3 “Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.”

Psalm 27:14, “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

Psalm 37:7 “Be still in the Presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.”

Psalm 59: 9 “You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for You, O God, are my fortress.”

Psalm 62: 1, “I wait quietly before God, for my victory come from Him.”

Psalm 62: 5, “Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.”

Once again, I am reminded that the Lord is in the process of our hearts. He isn’t just looking to use you. You aren’t just some pawn in a game of chess between Him and satan. He’s already won that match once and for all, and let’s just be honest, it wasn’t really much of a match.

Also, the Lord doesn’t put us through processes just to get more out of us. This one has taken me quite some time to claim for myself, and if I’m honest, this is the song I’m singing over myself at the moment. The song that He loves me and doesn’t intentionally hurt me in order to get more out of me. With that mindset what I find, I’m left with is just a lot of disappointment in myself; I can never measure up; I am never enough.

The truth is that He makes us wait, He puts us through processes and encourages us to pray for patience because what happens is it ends up producing more of Himself in us; not more of us in us; more of Him in us. 

Look back at those verses.

Waiting brings an expectation for Him to simply come. It produces confidence, bravery, and courage. It brings us into the Presence of a God who loves us and sees us and who has the power to move and act in ways that are beyond us and in ways that we ourselves can’t. Waiting shifts our entire being to the posture of allowing Him to be our strength, our rescuer, our fortress, our victory, and our Hope. 

My favorite is that last one. Our Hope. We tend to put our hope in all the things we are actually waiting on. We think that those things are the things that are going to complete us, make us feel whole, change our life for the better, overcome once and for all. But that is a false truth.

The truth is the Lord loves us enough to not let us lie in the deception of the world. So now I am convinced of something; His gift to us… Waiting. Waiting until, our eyes are opened, until our hearts are healed, until we believe Him, come into agreement with Him. Waiting until the fruit of who He is, is produced, pruned and ready for harvest in us. Waiting until He becomes our everything: strength, courage, confidence, bravery, rescuer, fortress, victory, and our hope.

So, while I wait I will praise. And I will wait until I realize I am His.